Emlyn Volume #5

So one day there was a big bash at my station in Maidstone Kent, and some visiting dignitary was being given some sort of community award by the Area Commander. At that time Emlyn had managed to wangle some sort of CID slot again, so was off patrol for a while and out of uniform, and was hanging around the station a lot, sucking up to the senior officers as he was often doing. So he was tasked with going down to the supply department at the Headquarters building, which suited him down to the ground, and pick up the gift the Force was giving this visiting dignitary. It must have been a male dignitary, as the gift was going to be a pair of cuff-links which looked like handcuffs, quite a suitable gift to get from a Police Department.

So off Emlyn went, and whether he forgot what he was supposed to get, or decided it was not a suitable gift, he managed to talk the supply clerk into giving him not the handcuff cuff-links, but a set of actual handcuffs, in a nice presentation box! What verbal acrobatics were required to achieve that I can only wonder, normally the supply clerk would not even give you the time of day without a form correctly filled out in triplicate and signed by the Area Commander himself. So how Emlyn walked out of there with a set of handcuffs as a gift for someone who was not even a member of the department is a mystery. And they were not even a regular pair of handcuffs, the department had just switched to Rigid Cuffs, which looks like a pair of regular handcuffs with a center piece of rigid plastic where the linking chain should be. The effect of the rigid part was that once you had the on one wrist of your subject, you could exert force on it very easily to cause a lot of pain to the subject, and very easily break their wrist. So what Emlyn had done was try to give away an Offensive Weapon to a visiting dignitary as a gift!


Of course Emlyn brings the handcuffs back in a presentation box, and gives it to the Area Commander, who surprisingly does not check the box until just before he gives it to the dignitary, as he is up there at the podium, giving his introduction, praising the dignitary, and introducing the ‘token of gratitude’ from the Kent Country Constabulary for whatever it was he was being recognized for, the Area Commander looked into the box, managed to quickly get over his shock and tell the dignitary that they would be sending it on by mail shortly.


About limey6

Father of four, husband of one, Ex-pat ex cop Englishman living in rural Maine
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