Back in 199_ on patrol in Maidstone one night, the police station is right on Palace Avenue, ‘downtown’ with a one way dual-carriageway going right by, the station on one side, a small tributary to the Medway River on the other side. Well one night, as they were often to do, some swans tried to cross Palace Avenue to get to the water. Officer ‘Spike’ ________ happened to be travelling that road while they were trying to do this, and assisted the avian’s in their road crossing, right outside the police station. This was way back when each Police Station had it’s own control room right there in the station, and of course they could look out onto palace Avenue and see Spike chasing the swans around Palace Avenue.
The Control Room Sargent decided to mess with him a little, and advised him over the radio that he has to submit a report on what had occurred. Normally there was quite a bit of traffic over the radio, and the control center put out ‘pips’ so that you would know the channel was in use by another unit. You could often guess what was being said by the length of the pips put out, and the occasional word from control. But in this case, the Sargent was very kindly sharing the joke with everyone, and explained himself over the open air, that swans are a protected species, and are protected by Royal command, so Spike would have to file a report on the incident involving a Royally Protected Species.
So Spike decided to get his own back, and after a while, was seen around the ‘senior management’ floor of the Station, so the Control Room Sargent followed up with him and asked where the report about the swan’s was, Spike told him over the radio he had submitted it directly to the Area Commanders office, which of course wound the Control Room Sargent right up. Everyone else was fully entertained on a otherwise quiet night, of course no ‘Swan Report’ was ever written or submitted, but such are the ways we kept ourselves entertained.