Pirates in Pinstripe


So back on patrol in Maidstone Kent one night with PC ‘Spike ‘ Milligan, who later went on to be a K9 officer….”heel Spike,  good Spike “. We came across a group of juvenile delinquents headed into town to cause hate and discontent,  you know,  a normal weekend for teenagers.  As we drove up to them,  Spike saw one of them drop something,  so we pulled over and stopped them and Spike went to retrieve what had been dropped. It turned out to be a fire poker in the shape of a sword,  but it had been sharpened,  so now it was a nasty long double-sided knife,  think Sting from The Hobbit.

Since Spike had seen the kids who dropped the poker, we ended up nicking (arresting) him for Possession of an Offensive Weapon and took him back to the nick (Police Station) for processing. Of course the Custody Sargent was good old boy who had christened me with my nickname (Bob, long story), and was renown for making life difficult for officers who arrested juveniles, or non-English speaking suspects, or non-English speaking juveniles, or non-English speaking pregnant female juveniles. Ours was relatively simple, male juvenile, just needed a responsible adult, either a parent or a certified ‘responsible adult’, so we could process and charge.

Well it went just fine until the kid decided to plead Not Guilty, so we got our invitations to juvenile court a few months later. The juvenile had opted to hire the services of a rather good barrister. The barrister had been involved in a car accident as a child, and as a result had lost an eye. He was quite a snappy dresser, wearing a three-piece pinstripe suit, with matching pinstripe eye-patch.

So we went into court, giving our evidence, when the barrister, wanting to enter the poker in evidence, removed it from the evidence package, and lifting the sword high with a flourish, with his eye-patch, and said “Is this the weapon of offense that you say my client dropped on the path officer?”

As you can imagine, the whole courtroom dissolved with hilarity.


About limey6

Father of four, husband of one, Ex-pat ex cop Englishman living in rural Maine
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